Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
