Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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