her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
