I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
