Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
