Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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