I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
