Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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