Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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