Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
