he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
