Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize