just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
