forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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