I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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