last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
