bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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