Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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