so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
