Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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