OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
