I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
