Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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