i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
