What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
