She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
