Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
