we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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