it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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