omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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