can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
