I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
