Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
