I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize