it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
God gave him joint rollers for hands
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
