just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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