I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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