i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
