I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
