Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize