her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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