you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize