first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
