I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
