I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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