making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
