she woke up with a sticky ear
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
