Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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