scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize