He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
