Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize