I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
