Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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