he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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