Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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