we made out on top of his cat.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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