he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
