I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize