is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
