Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
