Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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