I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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