I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
