Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
