just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
