I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
