What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize