If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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