I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
