You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
