Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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