I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
